today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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