Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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