Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
