i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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