just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
