listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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