At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
