I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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