We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
