your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
