Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
