It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
