i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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