Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
