I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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