Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
