im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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