frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
