Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
