I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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