What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
