why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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