I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
