I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
