I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
