Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
