I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
