Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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