Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
