We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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