he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
