Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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