So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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