remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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