You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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