When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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