Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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