i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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