I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
