you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
