Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
