Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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