hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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