Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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