im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
