a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
