Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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