Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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