All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
