and you said cock pushups were impossible
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
