Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
