I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
